just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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