they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize