if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
