I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
