Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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