I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
