normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
