Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My dick has a subreddit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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