Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
