That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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