i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think i have two assholes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
