Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
