i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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