Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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