i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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