walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
