wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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