he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
