Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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