Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
