YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize