we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
