wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
