Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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