I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
