Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
