Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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