I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
