Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
