Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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