i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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