he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
