you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
