wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
