I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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