my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
