I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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