I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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