I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
In the future we'll all be gay
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize