You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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