you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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