i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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