I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
