Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
