Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
