dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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