Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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