you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
