Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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