get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
