woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
