Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
