Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize