he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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