I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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