2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Congratulations! We have a period
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