Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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