awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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