Can Purell be used as lube?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
