I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
