I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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