I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
