Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
