So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
