Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
