i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
