Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
