I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
