i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
