I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize