i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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