I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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