Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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