How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
