Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize