I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
