she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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