life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
