how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
