The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize