I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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