Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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