wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
