guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
