There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
