i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
