You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
