i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
