i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How does one acquire holy water?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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