she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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