He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
