I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
