can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
