I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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