I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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