help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You are the jesus of drinking
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
