Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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